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Saint Christopher

Alright, friends: hearken to the tale of Saint Christopher, the patron saint of the traveler! As it happens, I’m heading out on a trip to the UK and France for a few weeks as of tomorrow, and I hereby invoke the power of all mythic figures associated with brave pilgrims such as myself.

Back to Christopher. Born in Canaan (according to Western accounts) in the 3^rd century CE, Christopher was a mammoth of a man. Almost 7 feet tall and built like a tank, Christopher served the Caananite King as #1 hired muscle. After seeing the king in a few moments of weakness, Christopher decided that only the greatest king there was was worthy of his services, so he decided to bounce out of Canaan. He found a king who called himself the greatest (unnamed in the story), but this king kept crossing himself out of fear of the Devil.

“Now hold on a second,” Christopher thought aloud, “if you’re afraid of the Devil, that means he’s greater than you! I’m gonna go work for that guy!” And so he set out to give Satan his resume. Eventually Christopher stumbled upon some bandits, and their leader referred to himself as “the Devil.” Not being one worried about checking sources, Christopher took this boast at face value, and took up employment with desert-bandit-satan. The problem with this boss, as it turned out for Christopher, was the he was constantly avoiding any wayside crosses. Since the devil was evidently afraid of Christ, Christopher made the decision to serve the good ol’ King of Kings, Christ himself.

Now, Jesus having died some centuries before, Christopher asked a hermit-priest how he could best serve his Lord. The priest suggested prayer and fasting, which Christopher thought was a lame suggestion and refused to do. Taking note of his immense size and rippling muscles, the priest told Christopher to help the puny people in the area to cross a particularly deep river by carrying them across.

For a while Christopher worked as the ferryman-hulk, and then a little child asked him for passage across the river. As soon as the kid clambered up on his back, Christopher almost buckled under his deceptively crushing mass. Staggering to stand with the child on his back, Christopher slowly grunted to the river, and made his way across the water, his muscles screaming the whole way. As the infinitely heavy child dismounted, Christopher said “You almost killed me with your girth, kid. Not cool.” The child replied “You had on your shoulders not only the whole world but Him who made it. I am Christ your king, whom you are serving by this work.” The magic baby then disappeared in a flash, and Christopher was left with the greatest bar story to tell his friends in the history of the universe.

A little later, a king ordered him to be killed for not shutting up about it. Bad luck for river-hulk.

The Children of Lir

An Irish Legend

There once was a man called Lir, who was happily married with three children. The eldest a girl and the two youngest boys. He loved his family with all his heart until one day, his wife passed away. Horrified at the thought of his children living without a mother, Lir married a beautiful woman named Aoife.

Aoife was terribly jealous of her new husband’s love for his children as he adored them far more than he did her. Consumed by jealousy, she ordered one of the servants to kill the children. When he refused, she used her magic instead to turn them into swans.

The children were doomed to wander until the spell could be broken if they were blessed by a monk. To stay together, their father fashioned a gold chain to fit around all three of their necks so they would not be tossed apart on the raging waters. They spent 300 years on Lough Derravaragh, 300 years in the Sea of Moyle and 300 years in Irrus Domnann Erris.

Eventually, the swans were found by monks belonging to a monastery on an island. They blessed the swans and they changed back into humans, but being 900 years old, they were withered and ancient. They three were buried together, the gold chain still linking their necks.

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The Churning of the Ocean

In Indian mythology, the demons were older than their half-brothers, the Gods. 

The Gods and the Demons knew that they could gain the Amrit, the Water of Life, if they churned up one of the seven oceans that, ring beyond ring, encircles the worlds. They came down to the Ocean of Milk. They took the Mountain Mandara for a churning-pole and the hundred-headed serpent Vasuki for a churning-rope.

For a thousand years the Gods and the demons churned the Ocean of Milk. All the time Vasuki, the serpent, from his hundred heads spat venom. The venom bit into the rocks and broke them up; it flowed down, destroying the worlds of Gods and men. Then all creation would have been destroyed in that flood of venom if it had not been for the act of Shiva

Shiva took up the venom in a cup and drank it. His throat became blue with that draught of bitterness. 

Still they churned. 

And then there appeared the sage Dhanvantri, and in his hands was the cup that held the Amrit, the Water of Life. The demons strove to seize it. They almost overpowered the Gods in their efforts to seize the Amrit. Then Vishnu changed himself into a ravishing form; he seemed to be the loveliest of the nymphs of Heaven. The demons went towards where the seeming nymph postured for them. Even as they fought amongst each other for the maiden, the Gods took the cup, and, sharing it, they drank  the Amrit.

And now they were filled with such vigour that the demons could not overpower them. Many they drove down into hell. That was the beginning of the wars between the Gods and the Demons…wars that went on for ages.

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The Salmon of Knowledge - An Irish Legend

A young lad named Fionn (pronounced Fyun) was a promising youth. After his father died, his mother brought him to a poet named Finnegas to learn all he could so that in time, he could join the Fianna. The Fianna was a band of Irish warriors. But in order to join, a man needed to have wisdom and a wide knowledge of poetry, art and history.

Finnegas taught Fionn all he knew and the lad grew to be a fine young man. One thing that Finnegas talked about often was the myth of the salmon of knowledge. The salmon of knowledge was a fish that swam through the rivers of Ireland, the myth went that anyone who ate the salmon would gain all the wisdom of the world. Finnegas often sat by the river outside the hut where he and Fionn lived, fishing in hope to catch the salmon.

One day, Fionn heard Finnegas calling him from outside, running to the river, he saw that Finnegas had caught none other than the salmon of knowledge! Finnegas instructed the boy to cook it for him to eat, but warned him not to taste the fish at all, or he would gain the wisdom. Fionn did as he was told and began cooking the fish over a crude fire. he watched it carefully so as not to burn it. Suddenly, a bubble rose on the fish’s skin. Reaching out, Fionn burst it with his thumb. The bubble popped and burned his finger. Instinctively, Fionn stuck his thumb in his mouth and sucked it to soothe the burn.

When Finnegas saw what the boy had done, he grew very sad that he would never gain all the wisdom of the world, but was cheered at the thoguht that Fionn would be the greatest warrior the Fianna had ever known.

Fionn grew to be the leader of the Fianna. It is said that they sleep in a cave beneath Dublin and will rise when Ireland is in his greatest need. Their coming will be alerted by the sound of his hunting horn.

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Eostre and Easter

The Easter weekend isn’t over yet, folks. Time to get your learnin’ on. Ever wonder where the name “Easter” came from? The Germanic goddess Eostre gets the credit on that one. She was a goddess of fertility and plenty, and the Anglo-Saxons had a month named after her. For all of us on the Gregorian calendar, that’d match up with April. Anglo-Saxon and Northern European festivals for the Easter-month (the “Eostre-monath”) involved eggs and hares, and these came to be attached to Eostre herself.  What with it being a spring festival and all, located on or around the Equinox, themes of birth and fertility were only natural. Hard to beat rabbits when it comes to fertility, I suppose.

Now, how did Eostre get attached to the Christian celebration of the resurrection? Well, the Church was a big fan of re-appropriating pagan holidays. They took Lupercalia and made it a Saint’s celebration day, took the festival of Sol Invictus and made it Christmas; they were pros when it came to this stuff. 

The Catholic Church determined that they would bring the Jewish festival of Passover and the Christian observance of the resurrection together. This was done under the vigil of the Roman Emperor Constantine (the first Christian Emperor), at the first Council of Nicaea. The title of “Easter month” was taken from the pagans, as the Church observed its use in Northern Europe, and sought to both marginalize the pagan celebration and indoctrinate/accommodate new pagan subjects. 

And there you have it. Sorry, Eostre, but they took your month. Somehow the rabbits and eggs stuck around, though.

Ophiucus/Asclepius

Many typical horoscope fans were shocked to hear the addition of a 13th sign to the Zodiac. The lucky constellation to be put in the infamous spotlight was Ophiucus the serpent bearer, formerly known as Serpentarius. But like most constellations, there is an origin to why they’re placed in the heavens. So who was Ophiucus? And for the sideline, the 13th sign only applies to those who follow the sidereal Zodiac - most Americans and the rest of western civilization follow the WESTERN Zodiac - so relax you’re still the sign you were born under.

Anyways back to the story. Ophiucus is actually Asklepios (Asclepius, Aesculapius in Latin ), the Greek God of Medicine. Not many know of Asclepius, however his legacy still impacts the present. He was the son of Olympian Apollo and the Trikkaian Princess Coronis. Unfortunately for the mother, she was caught being unfaithful to her godly spouse and was punished by the god by laying her out on a funeral pyre, however Hermes saved the infant Asclepius. In lighter versions, she died in childbirth. As a boy, Asclepius––like many would-be heroes and kings––was raised and educated by Chiron, the centaur and was taught the art of healing and medicine. In time he surpassed his father in healing and soon he was deified all over ancient Greece. His priests became the first doctors, but Asclepius himself obtained the cures from listening to the dreams of his patients.

His trademark logo, A staff entwined by a serpent came from a legend in which he was commanded to revive a patient. Deep in meditation a snake crept up on his staff and Asclepius struck the serpent again and again as it tried to flee. Another snake came out of the same hole the first one came out of and placed an herb on its head. Both snakes fled - seeing what happened tried the same herb on its patient, and what a miracle the patient was revived. Since then, the snake was under the guardianship of Asclepius.

Asclepius did many wonders healing the sick and reviving the dead. Hades complained to Zeus he was being cheated dead souls and the Fates got the thread of life all tangled up, unable to sever it. Apollo reasoned that Asclepius was doing it for the benevolent reasons. However, Zeus grew furious when he heard that Asclepius offered to resurrect the dead in exchange for gold. He threw a thunderbolt at Asclepius. In honor of the good deeds he performed he was placed in the heavens as the constellation Ophiucus, along with his serpent.

From D’Aulaires’ Book of Greek Myths / my childhood.

Thanks for the submission! The parentage of Greek deities can be difficult to keep straight. Have a look around our posts on Greek Myth for supplemental info!