By the Gods!
RSSPosts tagged with "south american"
Tlaloc is one of my personal favourite gods within my personal favourite cultural mythology. Nobody can deny that the Aztecs were some of history’s greatest badasses - and they have the gods to prove it. That and human sacrifice. Also, Tlaloc has probably the most kickass garb of any god ever. He is usually depicted wearing goggles (one of my aesthetically favoured accessories) and he has fangs.
Tlaloc is an interesting case because he is a god of rain, fertility and a god who was salubrious - but he could also be kind of a withholding dick.
What Tlaloc giveth, Tlaloc can taketh away. And taketh away hard.
See, Tlaloc could bring rain and fertility, but also hail, thunder, and diseases like leprosy and rheumatism.
When Tlaloc was pissed enough to unleash leprosy and disease and hardship, there was a simple solution: Human sacrifice.
But not your run-of-the-mill cut open your ribcage and rip out your heart while it was still beating so you could see it before you died sacrifice that the Aztecs usually did. Tlaloc only wanted children. Crying children, to be specific.
So when Tlaloc got all angry and frowny behind his ass-kicking steampunk goggles, priests would round up some kids and, in order to have a successful Tlaloc-appeasing sacrifice, the kids were made to cry. (Yeah, what a surprise. Priests traumatizing children.) The more the kids cried, the more Tlaloc was appeased.
So, behold Tlaloc - one of my favourite dudes who could only be pleased by having traumatized children killed for him. Best ever or best ever?
The rituals pertaining to those who died in water (from drowning) or other Tlaloc-related deaths (see: struck by lightning), and strangely enough those stunted in growth, are interesting because those who died tied to Tlaloc were not cremated as was customary in Aztec culture, but instead buried with blue paint on their foreheads and seeds in their faces. They were also dressed in paper and buried holding a digging stick for planting.
Tlaloc: demands crying children to be killed, and wants plants to grow out of your dead face.
What is there not to love?
Kurupi
Kurupi is a male fertility spirit and an important figure of Guarani mythology (a South American tribe spread over what is now Brazil). He is a wildman spirit that roams the forests near villages, impregnating the local women in their sleep. He still frequently appears in Brazil’s modern culture.
Kurupi is a short, dark-skinned wildman. He is said to have an abundance of both hair and ugliness. His most distinctive feature, however, would be his… ahem… impressive appendage. He’s well-endowed to the degree that his doodle is approximately three times longer than his height. Because of his massive member, his fashion sense is questionable. To walk comfortably, he wraps his unit around himself, making a stylish belt.
Kurupi is a frisky fellow that wanders around villages at night, having intercourse with the town’s women in their sleep. He often fornicates without even entering the unconscious woman’s home. He instead throws his prehensile-pecker through the window and does his business. Women who have had intercourse with Kurupi always become pregnant. The babies are said to bear a startling resemblance to their father, baby boys especially. They are often short, hairy and inherit a share of their father’s virility.
Many women use Kurupi as an excuse for adulterous behavior and unwanted pregnancies. Young girls are told the story of Kurupi to scare them into chastity.
Here’s the lesson for all the ladies: before you go to sleep tonight, close your window, and keep a sturdy pair of pants on. It may be uncomfortable, but at least you’re not gonna be preggers with hairy, super-donged little monsters.
The Headless Mule
The Headless Mule is a cursed being derived from Brazilian folklore. It is a woman who slept with a priest and has been cursed by God to be a galloping, headless mule with fire spewing out its neck cavity. You can see this de-noodled mule roaming the countryside at dawn.
The Headless Mule is said to be black with a white cross upon its chest, and wears loud silver horseshoes that wake up the locals as it careens by. This gives the resident old-fogies something to complain about; there’s a silver lining after all.
Although the headless mule has no mouth or vocal chords, it still neighs as though it were a crying woman. The mule also has an abundance of fire spurting out where its head used to be, and is accessorized with a flame-resistant bridle.
The curse can be broken temporarily if the mule is caught and tied to a cross, or has its blood spilled with a tiny prick of a needle. If one removed the magic bridle from the mule’s fire-head, the curse would be removed permanently (at least until said cursed-mule-woman dies, that is) and one would find a sulfur-covered, naked woman.
About By the Gods!
