By the Gods!
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In a move of unprecedented hubris, I hereby reblog myself. This aggregious act is not wholly without purpose, however:
I intend to tackle, in post form, many of these magnificent men in the days to come. Prepare yourselves for the might of the Worthies!
Also: feel free encouraged to imagine them as an amazing squad of crime-fighting hero-buddies. I know I will.
The Nine Worthies
The Nine Worthies are nine figures from history/scripture/mythology who were set up in the Middle Ages as archetypal heroes who personified the ideas of chivalry and virtue. All nine were deemed “Princes,” each being leaders in some form or another. In French, they are Les Neuf Preux, meaning “Nine Valiants,” which gives a more particular idea of the sort of virtue and all-around goodness they were meant to embody. The idea of setting up the Nine Worthies was that the study of each of them would form a good education for aspiring princes regarding their chivalry and radness.
The Worthies were first described in 1312 CE by Jacques de Longuyon in his Voeux du Paon. The idea was that good ol’ fashioned Christian virtue predated the coming of Christ, and was present in Pagan and Jewish societies as well. I bet you’re just dying to know who the Worthies were, huh? I don’t blame you. Let’s get to it. They were divided into a triad of triads, as follows.
Pagans:
Hector, the champion of Troy, who fell honourably to the mighty Achilles.
Alexander the Great, who conquered much of the Mediterranean and Persia, spreading the wisdom of the Greeks, as the medieval scholars saw it.
Julius Caesar, who was the progenitor of Rome’s Empire, that would become the bed of Christendom.
Old Testament Jews:
Joshua, who became the leader of the Israelites after Moses, and led the conquest of the holy land, Canaan.
David, the anointed king of the Hebrew people, who slew Goliath and whose line was forever chosen by God (Yahweh) to lead his people.
Judas Maccabeus, who led the revolt against the Seleucid empire, and restored the Jewish faith to the Temple at Jerusalem.
Christians:
King Arthur, who in Christian myth was the idyllic king in pursuit of honour, justice, and the holy grail.
Charlemagne, the King of the Franks who turned his kingdom into an empire that would encompass most of western Europe and be the protector of Catholic Rome for centuries.
Godfrey of Bouillon, a medieval Frankish knight who was a leader of the First Crusade, and became the first ruler of the (short-lived) Christian Kingdom of Jerusalem.
Diarmuid Ua Duibhne
Diarmuid Ua Duibhne is a warrior from the Fenian cycle of Irish mythology, and described as one of the most renowned warriors in service of the high king of Ireland Cormac mac Airt. Diarmuid was raised by Aengus who was a lesser celtic god, who gave Diarmuid a heroic arsenal. A great sword, Moralltach (the Great Fury), and two spears the Gae Buide (Yellow shaft) and the Gae Derg (Red Javelin) rounded out Diarmuid’s armaments. The spears were said to inflict wounds impossible to recover from which strikes me as an odd gift from father to son, as my dad wouldn’t even let me have a swiss army knife until I was thirteen.
Diarmuid’s troubles started when he was out hunting one night and encountered a magical woman in the woods. The details of how it happened are varied, but the consensus is that sex happened. The woman was so taken with Diarmuid that she placed a magical “love spot” on his forehead that caused any woman that looked upon it to fall instantly in love with Diarmuid. Ladies love mystical skin conditions.
When the high king’s daughter Grainne spotted Diarmuid training with her father’s soldiers, she was smitten. The problem here was that Grainne was already promised to the ageing military leader Fionn mac Cumhaill (sometimes awesomely translated as “Finn MacCool”) so in order to be with her new crush, Grainne doused her father and his warriors with a sleeping potion, and placed a “geis” (an Irish mix of a binding-oath and a hex) on Diarmuid to compel him to run away with her.
The two escaped Fionn and his warriors for long enough to settle down together and have five children. It seemed to be a happy ending, for Cormac eventually pardoned his daughter and new husband allowing them to stay married in peace. Fionn however, was the type to hold a grudge. Fionn invited Diarmuid along with him on a hunting trip during which Diarmuid was severely gored by a giant boar. Fionn proves himself an even bigger dick when he denies Diarmuid a drink of water from his hands that had the power of healing.
In a weird twist to finish this Irish tragedy, Diarmuid’s mystical foster-father Aengus brings his body back home where he would breathe some life into Diarmuid whenever he felt like having a conversation with his dead son. Diarmuid is also said to be the founder of the Scottish clan Campbell, who carry a boar’s head on their crest in remembrance of his death.
Hey myth fans! For another take on the character Diarmuid, check out Guy Gavriel Kay’s “The Fionavar Tapestry” series! If you enjoy fantasy you should make time for this excellent trilogy.
Beowulf Vs. the Dragon
Beowulf’s next big fight takes place fifty years after he’s uprooted the Grendel family tree, and our favourite Anglo-Saxon-Written-Swede has returned home and become king of the Geats in his own land. Everything is going great for him until a slave steals a shiny goblet from the lair of a local unnamed dragon. For those of you who don’t have much experience with dragons, here’s a general tip to avoid incurring their fiery wrath: Don’t steal their sh*t.
The dragon (predictably) flips out after finding his treasure hoard invaded, and sets fire to the countryside. A significantly older Beowulf gathers his men to once more slay a monster for the good of his people, and as usual he asks his soldiers to stay back so that he might further increase his fame and renown (a lifetime of slaying “un-killable” monsters does that to one’s ego).
This time, however, Beowulf finds himself outmatched by the dragon and desperately defends himself with a rapidly-melting shield, thanks to the dragon’s fire. Seeing their lord in dire need, most of his soldiers heroically retreat to the woods, but one man, Wiglaf, remembers his oaths and rushes to his king’s aid.
Beowulf has recurring trouble with swords; he is described as simply too strong to use them properly, and his super manly grip breaks the blade uselessly on the dragon’s scaly hide. Luckily, Wiglaf doesn’t have this problem and is able to stab into the beast’s belly, thus bleeding out the fire that had been roasting his lord. This allowed Beowulf get good and close to the dread lizard and stab it in the face (for some reason, his dagger isn’t susceptible to his sword-breaking problem).
The two are victorious, but not without cost: Beowulf’s armour could not withstand the power of the dragon and he lay mortally wounded in Wiglaf’s arms. Beowulf reassures his distressed thane, tells him to have courage in the coming days, and then dies like a champ. He is buried with all the treasures of the dragon’s hoard, and is laid to rest at what scholars suspect is now the barrow of Skalunda. Beowulf is remembered as “most gracious and fair-minded, kindest to his people and keenest to win fame.” Rest in Peace, you magnificent bastard.
Augustus, Emperor of Rome
By now, I’m sure you know that the Romans had more than a few gods back in their day. The Roman Pantheon, brother to that of Ancient Greece, was growing every day as it incorporated the deities and venerated warriors/prophets/legends of conquered and soon-to-be conquered civilizations. However, this still wasn’t enough to slake their intense thirst for more things to pray to. In the days of the Republic (before 27 BCE) Generals and other men of merit would occasionally be raised to the status of god posthumously. A big example of deification like this came in the form of Augustus, the first Emperor of the Roman Empire.
Born Gaius Octavius, he was raised to the adopted son of Julius Caesar upon Caesar’s death, and began his path to glory. He became a Consul of the Roman Senate, (a position of immense influence and power) and received an enormous inheritance from his dead adoptive father. Julius Caesar’s death had thrown the Republic into a state of turmoil the likes of which had not been seen before, and Octavius formed a Triumvirate with the generals Lepidus and Marc Antony to take control of the wide lands of the Romans, and destroy those they saw as rebels. Octavius proved time and again that he was a brilliant tactical, political and financial leader, and brought prosperity to his people. Eventually destroying Marc Antony in a later clash, Octavius soon found himself without Roman enemies to dispatch, named himself Emperor, and turned his attention outward, to expand the territories of the rich empire.
At this point his name was changed, again, to Gaius Julius Caesar Augustus (Augustus meaning “the revered one”), and he initiated the period that would come to be known as the Pax Romana, or “the Roman Peace”—a period of stability and wealth. Augustus, in his time, greatly enlarged the empire’s territories, developed networks of roads, established a standing Roman Army and the Praetorian guard, and basically set every recognizable tradition and protocol that would make the Empire great for centuries to come. Upon his death in 14 CE, he was declared a god by the Roman senate. The people were told to worship him just as they would Jupiter and the established pantheon, and his legacy certainly had a “divine” vibe. Each emperor after would adopt the names Augustus and Caesar, so beloved and renowned had the original Augustus been. The month of August, too, receives its name from the first Emperor; the sixth month of the Roman calendar, Sextilis, was renamed Augustus in his honour. What a guy!
Thor
In honour of today’s premiere of the Marvel “Thor,” let’s give some credit to the Germanic god of thunder on whom the character is based!
The son of Odin the All-Father (and leader of the Aesir), Thor was the champion of good in Norse/German mythology. Riding his chariot pulled by goats through the sky, long red beard and hair blowing in the wind, Thor wields the magic hammer Mjollnir and brings the pain to Frost Giants. The name “Thor” means thunder, and “Mjollnir” may have once meant lightning.
Things that Thor loves: contests of strength, eating enormous amounts of food in one sitting (a whole ox, for example), drinking like a champ (at one time he drank so much that he lowered sea levels all over the earth), and as aforementioned, cracking Frost Giant skulls. The Frost Giants were the adversaries of the Aesir, and were generally gigantic, angry, and immensely strong. They all hated Thor, because he kept taking out their champions in duels and contests, one by one reducing their numbers and building his own prestige.
Though you might know Loki, the trickster, as an enemy of the Aesir (which he did eventually become), he and Thor used to have adventures together back in the good ol’ days. They have a complex relationship now, I suppose. I mean, sure, Loki did try and get Thor killed a few times, but it was all in the spirit of fun!
That should tide you over for now. Go out and see the movie (I’m checking it out tonight!) and try to spot the differences between Norse and Marvel mythos; Thor wasn’t a natural blonde, guys.
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